I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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