Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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