Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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