maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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