i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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