I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
