i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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