the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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