I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
