My Higher Power is John Stamos
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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