i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
