there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
