About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
