i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize