is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
