You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
