Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
