no, he came in my armpit
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
