As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
