i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
