these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
