im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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