So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
