so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
