giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
