I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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