I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
