i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
