hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
okay pat passed out under dana's car
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
