My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
