Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
