I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
