Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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