yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
