Me too!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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