The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
