I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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