I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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