just tell him i said nine months
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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