So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
