I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
