Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
