It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
