i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
