I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Enjoy the penises
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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