I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
