i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
