i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
