I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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