it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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