So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
