i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
