You smell like stripper and shame
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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