there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
