Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
