Define "chronic" masturbator.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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