I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
