On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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