nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
