Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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