I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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