It's like God shit irony all over that family
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
