Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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