I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize