I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
