so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
