Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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