He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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