when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
