He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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